How to Annoy
by FlutterStutterBOOMBOOM
Summary: Yes, it's been done, but never by ME!  This is how to harass, bother, aggravate, and generally make each character from Death Note hate you.
1. L

**(A/N): I came up with this a while ago, but for long-and-boring-to-explain reasons, I'm just typing it up now. I'm working on a How to Annoy Light, and I've kinda started a How to Annoy Misa, but only a few. I hope to do a list for all the characters eventually. Anyways, hope you enjoy them!**

**Dedicated to foxwind1331, who by the way inspired number 8.**

**Disclaimer: Don't own the DN plot or characters, but I did think of this entire list, so you no steal, please. XD Thank you.**

HOW TO ANNOY L

1. Take away his candy.

2. Duct-tape a broomstick to his back and announce, "You WILL learn to stand up straight!"

3. Run around scream-singing "I KNOW WHO KIRA IS! I KNOW WHO KIRA IS! AND I'M NOT TELLING!"

4. Run up to him and yell, "Hey, Lawliett!" when Light is standing right next to him.

5. Give him a long, detailed description of how he dies.

6. Sneak up on him and attempt to comb his hair.

7. Let the fangirls at him.

8. Refer to him as "Lawli".

9. Every two minutes, ask him what time it is.

10. Constantly ask him why he doesn't have a cool laugh like Light's.

11. Continuously hum songs that are guaranteed to get stuck in his head.

12. Tell Ryuk to throw apples at him.

13. Dye all of his shirts pink.

14. Dye all of his underwear pink ((if it isn't already ;D))

15. Leap out at him from around corners and yell BANG!

16. Kick him in the shin and run away... every five minutes.

17. Repeatedly "mistake" him for the Hunchback of Notre Dame.

18. Email him L/Light yaoi pictures.

19. "Accidently" break his computers. ALL of his computers.

20. Set him on fire.

21. Accuse HIM of being Kira and blaming it on Light to take the heat off himself.

22. Put him in an oversized blender and press frappe.

23. Whack him over the head with the Death Note.

24. After he makes one of his brilliant deductions, say gently, "You know, L, there's a fine line between genius and insanity..."

25. Delete all the files pertaining to the Kira case on his computer and replace them with pictures of panda bears and bunnies.

26. Spread nasty rumors about him and Misa.

27. Sing Brittney Spears songs at the top of your lungs all day (abandon if he starts to sing along).

28. Compare him to Charlie the Unicorn.

29. Everywhere he goes, follow him around humming Secret Agent Man.

30. Mess with his voice changer and set it to a really, REALLY high-pitched voice.

31. Let Misa give him a makeover.

32. Constantly forget his "name" (("Hey, Q, guess what?!"))

33. Declare him your personal hero and imitate everything he does.

34. Lock him in a closet/small box.

35. Ask why the greatest detective of all time can't figure out the proper way to hold a pencil.

36. When you go out to eat, ask for a kiddie menu for him.

37. While he's talking on the phone walk up to him, take the phone out of his hand, and crush it with a hammer. Walk away.

38. Ask if he only has the one outfit, or if he has a whole closet full of white shirts and jeans.

39. Write his name in the Death Note.

And last but not least...

40. Tell him he's wrong.

**(A/N): So, how was it? I'll try and update soon. Oh, and happy Easter, since it's literally three minutes away. Yes, I stay up too late. Review!**


	2. Light

**(AN): Heh, heh, heh, Hey. Um, been a while, hasn't it? Sorry? Have you ever had a TON of fanfiction ideas, and you kinda start some of 'em on paper, but nothing gets typed up or posted and even some really good ideas don't get touched? Yeah, that's how it's been. But I'm determined to start some MAJOR updating! I figured I'd start here, 'cause I don't want to neglect it for too long. This chapter is How to Annoy Light. I know number 5 is commonly known, but I couldn't resist throwing it in there anyway! This chapter is for my friend BeyondBirthday13BB. Love you!**

How to Annoy Light

1. During a Task Force meeting, yell across the room, "Hey, KIRA! Where do you want me to hide the DEATH NOTE? You know, that you use to KILL PEOPLE?"

2. Lock him, Misa, and Takada in a room together.

3. Kill every single girl in the world EXCEPT FOR MISA.

4. Tell him that L is more ninja-tastic than he is.

5. Constantly point out that his last name spelled backwards is "I'm a gay".

6. Replace all his shoes with fish.

7. Style his hair into a bad likeness of L's.

8. If he's ranting to you about his Godly ideals, pretend to be completely interested. When he's done, say something totally irrelevant (i.e. "Can cockroaches get rabies?").

9. Everywhere he goes, walk in front of him saying, "Come on people, move it or lose it, God of the New World coming through..."

10. Use an alias.

11. Call him "Dark".

12. When he tells you his job is to eliminate people who have done evil, look frightened and say "Um... define 'evil'".

13. Compare him and L to Voldemort and Harry.

14. Kidnap him. Allow him to keep the Death Note... BUT take away anything he could write with!

15. When he's "helping" L plot ways to catch Kira, look confused and say, "But Light, you ARE Kira..."

16. Make a huge banner that says "I'm a gay X Queer Near FOREVER"

17. Kidnap Sayu (again...)

18. Use a "Life Note" to start bringing all the criminals he kills back to life.

19. When he says he's undefeatable, say "Oh, I don't know," then point to Near, wink, and stage-whisper "It's always the quiet ones."

20. Join an anti-death penalty organization **((A/N: They exist. I Google'd it.))**

21. Handcuff him to Misa instead of L.

22. Tell him he looks like Zac Efron.

23. While he and Ryuk are walking down the street, run around whacking random passerby with the Death Note, so that they can see Ryuk, too.

24. Say that by not having an 'addiction' (L's cake, Ryuk's apples, Mello's chocolate, Matt's video games, Near's toys) he is severely lacking in character depth and is not fit to be the main character.

25. "Accidently" destroy the Death Note.

26. Write "Hi, Kira," all over his wall on Facebook.

27. Pay a hobo to push him down the stairs.

28. Comment that writing someone's name in huge letters with your hand flying off the page isn't exactly inconspicuos.

29. Ask him how it feels to get shot four times and then die of a heart attack.

30. Look up "Death Note characters" on Wikipedia and ask why there's way more info on Matt, who was only in the anime for like 10 seconds, than there is on him **((Because Matt's the coolest thing since squirtable cheese! Sorry, I'm pretty much Matt's #1 fan. And someone's gonna do the whole "No, I am!" review thing, but I honestly don't care.))**

31. Doodle hearts and flowers in the Death Note.

32. Hack into the grading system and fail him in every class.

33. Point out that L comes before Light alphabetically.

34. Refer to writing utensils as "instruments of death and justice".

35. Tackle him in the street after he specifically tells you to stay away from him until further notice (like Misa did).

36. After finding out that he can neither go to heaven or hell, scream "ZOMBIE!" and start hitting him over the head with a two-by-four.

37. Join Team L, because "L is backed by 3 really cool geniuses, wheras you have 2 jealous whores and an insane lawyer".

38. Ask him to kill a taco vender so that you may have free tacos to your heart's content.

39. Ask him if he chokes on his own spit when he does one of his evil laughs.

And finally...

40. Replace his Death Note with a copy, leading to his ultimate downfall.

**(A/N): This took me FOREVER! So I hope it's okay, I tried not to put in anything to lame. Next up is Misa, and at the ABSOLUTE LATEST I will update June 1st. Yeah, I actually made a schedule for my fanfiction. Expect two one-shots this weekend ;). Review, pretty please with sugar on top. And if you want to waste my time with a stupid "No, I'M Matt's biggest fan!" thing, it's fine with me, just don't expect a reply. Because you will not get one. Even if you put something else in there. That being said, LOVE YOU GUYS!**


	3. Misa

**(AN): Look, I'm aliiiiiiiive! I actually got the new charger a few days ago, apologies, but I've been really busy. I was taking care of an injured person, you can't get mad at me for that. I also haven't gotten around to posting any oneshots. SORRY ASHI-CHAN! I haven't forgotten, I just have a hectic life. But I'm HOPING to get not only the one-shots, but the first chapter of one of my many, **_**many**_** MxM plot bunnies up very, **_**very**_** soon. No dedications on this one; I'm the only one of my friends who actually likes Misa. Yes, I admit it, I've always felt bad for her, because, as dumb and annoying as she is, to love someone who will never love you back... But of course, I had no problems coming up with 40 ways to torment her! Hahaha. Enjoy!**

How to Annoy Misa

1. Kill Light.

2. Make fun of her pigtails.

3. Send her to Catholic school in response to her "unruly and inappropriate behaviour".

4. Steal her Death Note.

5. Force her to read a book.

6. Make constant blonde jokes.

7. Sniff her hair. When she asks you what you're doing, glare at her and walk away.

8. Burn her magazine pictures. Boo her commercials. Et cetera.

9. Create a poll: "Who does Light belong with, Takada or Misa?". Bribe everyone you know to vote for Takada.

10. Read LxLight fanfictions, preferably lemons, aloud all day.

11. Replace her entire wardrobe with conservative dresses.

12. Tell her she looks like a llama.

13. While watching the last episode of Death Note, fast forward to the scene at the very end where she's standing on the edge of a building and scream, "Jump, bitch!"

14. Start a rumor that she's not a natural blonde.

15. Start a rumor that she used to be a guy.

16. Call her "Little Orphan Annie". (For extra annoyance, dye her hair red as well.)

17. Make a t-shirt with a picture of the criminal who killed her parents on the front. On the back, put "In memory of the hero who kept her from being even more spoiled than she already is."

18. Set her up on a blind date with Near.

19. Ask her why her hair is BROWN in the first opening theme...

20. Accuse her of having an eating disorder and send her to a body-image support group.

21. Ask "How do you keep a slut in suspense?" Then walk away.

22. Use big words.

23. Throw a bucket of water on her- "to see if you'd melt"

24. Cut off her pigtails.

25. "Misa Amane- A fiercely loyal and lovably ditzy girl with blonde hair"... A golden retriever?

26. Tell her that the reason shinigami keep falling in love with her is that they keep mistaking her for one of them.

27. Kick her.

28. Write "Please turn over" on both sides of a piece of paper.

29. Pull a few strings and get her on the "worst-dressed list".

30. Kidnap her AGAIN.

31. Install infared cameras.

32. Shout random, made-up words into her face.

33. Glance at her stomach and say "I take it Light's the father?"

34. Then congratulate Light.

35. Tell her that Light has a new plan to defeat L, and all she has to do is put on a cheese costume and dance the hokey-pokey in the middle of a crowded subway station.

36. Hit on Light.

37. Break into her apartment and put bananas in random places. When she asks you if you know anything about it, look at her seriously and say "You have been contacted by the brethren. Hail the brethren."

38. Send her a ton of chain letter emails.

39. Put pieces of cake all over the floor so she's bound to step on them (because we all know how much she loves _that..._)

40. Tell her Light wants her to relinquish ownership of her Death Note. Two seconds later, touch her with a piece of the same Death Note and tell her Light wants her to make the Eye Deal again. Repeat until her lifespan has been cut in half so many times that she's dead on the floor in front of you.


	4. Near

**Author's Note: OMG, an UPDATE? Of HTA? FINALLY, right? Sorry. It's just that the other chapters I had already started a little, and this was the first one I had to come up with the whole 40 for. So, you know I'm a RAVING MattXMello fangirl, but reading your reviews, 91% (no, that's not exact, it's not even an educated guess- I just wanted to be like L :3) of you were most excited for the Near chapter. Don't say that I don't love you.**

**Dedication: To all my (crazy) new buddies in anime club! Whoo!**

**Disclaimer: Death Note characters own don't or its I. (The grammar check on my computer isn't underlining that… that's worrisome).**

How to Annoy Near

1. Tell the manager of Toys 'R' UsÒ that you caught him shoplifting, thereby getting him banned from his favorite store.

2. Make him watch all three _Twilight_ movies. Compare him to Bella.

3. "A-a-albino sheep, have you any wool?"

4. Lock him in a room with Mello and no way to defend himself.

5. Refer to him as "that kid who kinda looks like L if L fell into a large vat of bleach"

6. Respond to everything he says with "Whatever," followed by a mumbled-just-loud-enough to be-audible "Supercilious bastard".

7. Ask him if he was born without eyebrows, or if he just shaves them off in a pathetic attempt to look more like L, his idol.

8. Repaint his room. 'Forget' to tell him about the wet paint covering every surface that his pristine white clothes may come in contact with.

9. Take the batteries out of his toys. Glue the battery-opening-thingies shut.

10. Introduce him as "yeah, this is my friend… kind of, and I could tell you his name, but he's so boring and solemn that it'll be more fun to get the formalities out of the way quickly so we can ditch him as soon as possible."

11. Write 'PARTY GIRL' in large pink letters on the back of his shirt.

12. Put a sign on the library door that says 'closed for an indefinite period of time'. Just be sure you let all the other orphans in on it, so that only he falls behind.

13. Throw a deck of cards at him. Explain that they're so he can play solitaire- "you know," (run your index finger down the side of your face in the universal symbol for 'a single tear rolls down my cheek') "the game of the lonely".

14. Call him "Queer Near" (Anyone remember chapter 2?)

15. Tell him that Misa had an extravagant time on their blind date, and is anxiously awaiting his call (It's been so long- do you even remember the last chapter?)

16. Edit the AutoCorrect feature on whatever program he uses to type his homework so that every time he types the word 'the', it automatically changes to 'penis'.

17. Ask if he and Mello had a lovechild, would it be confined to a life of wearing nothing but gray clothes?

18. Ask who would be the mother and who would be the father of the aforementioned lovechild.

19. Squint at him for a few seconds, then sigh decisively and say, "The force is _weak _with this one."

20. Ask him if he's afraid of heights. If he says no, reply, "Ok, good" and then glue him to the ceiling. If he says yes, do the same but laugh extra hard.

21. Ask him if the reason he's so emotionless is because he's left his soul in various horcruxes scattered across significant places in his life.

22. Pull out one of the bottom dice on his tower.

23. Tell him he should be more careful- we all know what happened to the last guy that tried to surpass L Lawliet.

24. Tell him that Wammy's has decided to start assigning fake last names as well, and that his is Deathexperience.

25. Hide his Legos in his hair, and bet Giovanni ten dollars they get lost in 'that unsightly mane' and are never seen again.

26. Push him into the mud.

27. Spend class time doodling pictures of him in dresses. Fold them up and fling them at him when the teacher isn't looking.

28. Tell Mello he has the hots for Matt.

29. Attempt to organize playdates with neighborhood children.

30. Tell him that L has Light and Matt and Mello have each other, then point, laugh, and call him a lonely loser.

31. Write a fanfiction in which he is a famous teen pop star, but secretly wishes to be normal, and then falls in love with a small-town girl who hates his music.

32. Tell him you drew a picture of him and then hand him a blank piece of paper.

33. Blast Weird Al Yankovic's "White and Nerdy" whenever he walks into the room.

34. Explain to him that there's picking on someone because they're white, which is racism, and then there's picking on someone because they're albino, which is merely self-defense against being brainwashed by pale soulless creatures of doom.

35. Make fun of him because his real name is so much more boring than L's, Mello's, or Matt's.

36. Tell him white pajamas are "soooooo last season".

37. Write a fanfiction in which he and Matt are about to be married but Matt runs off with Mello at the last minute, leaving him standing at the alter in a dress.

38. Ask if you can name your pet sheep after him.

39. Put rainbow stickers all over him.

And…

40. Slip as much sugar as possible in his drink. We'll see how emotionless he is then…

**Author's Note 2: Okay, so this absolutely sucks, but at least it's done. **

**By the way, if you read Golden, I know and I'm sorry that chapter 3 is late. I'm not bored with it, I don't have writer's block, I've just been so Kiradamn busy this week… But I intend to take advantage of this ever-so-short little miracle we call the weekend and, though I can't make promises, I'm hoping to get it up by tomorrow- actually, it's 2 AM, so I guess I mean tonight, and tomorrow/Tuesday at the latest?**

**As for the next chapter of this story, it shall be everyone's favorite blonde, leather-clad mafia thug! And since I love him so much… I might have to give you some extra ways to annoy him.**

**Mello: Thanks.**

**Flutter: Shouldn't you be in bed with Matt?**

**Mello: He's still up gaming. And wtf is up with Near's chapter coming before mine?**

**Flutter: I figured you'd like it… all these fresh ideas.**

**Mello: Well… number four does sound promising…**

**Review!**


	5. Mello

**A/N: Bet you weren't expecting this, huh? Sorry I stopped for a while. I plan to keep doing it, though there might be another long wait afterwards because I'll be working on NaNoWriMo. There are 10 extras to this one, which will also be true for the next chapter (Matt) because they're my favorites!**

* * *

How to Annoy Mello

1. Break his rosary.

2. Cut off his chocolate supply.

3. Accuse him of stealing Misa's clothes.

4. Refer to him as 'she', 'her', or 'that girl'

5. According to the fangirls, L is a panda, Near is a sheep, Matt is a puppy, so what does that make him?

6. Use the phonetic pronunciation of his last name (Key-hell)

7. Tell him facial scars are soooooooo last season

8. Write MelloXNear fanfiction. And read it to him.

9. Tell him Matt got them matching goggles.

10. Turn him in to the police.

11. Tell him that today is Judgment Day.

12. Throw Bibles at him.

13. Cut his hair.

14. Ask him if he wears make-up.

15. Flip through the pages of _Death Note: Another Note: The Los Angeles BB Murder Cases _and tell him not to quit his day job.

16. Make him a Facebook page using his real name.

17. Hang the "Leather Pride Flag" (the symbol of BDSM) on his motorcycle.

18. Point out that in most fan arts, Matt is drawn as the seme and he as the uke.

19. Make him use a swear jar (he'll be broke in an hour).

20. Tell him Near and Misa are getting married and want him to be the priest.

21. Tell him Near is in love with him despite his engagement and is full of inner turmoil about what to do.

22. Tell him L picked a successor- "well, kind of- he just said 'anyone but that blonde psycho…'".

23. Send him to anger management class.

24. Go to the bookstore with a pen and write the ending of _Another Note _on the first page of every copy, ruining his surprise ending for everyone.

25. Replace all his weapons with water pistols and those guns that shoot marshmallows.

26. Call him 'MarshMello'.

27. Admit that you were wrong it comparing L to Harry Potter, because in the end, Mello's the one with the scar.

28. Constantly remind him to stop playing with matches.

29. Point out every single way that Near has beaten him, from grades at Wammy's to the number of requests for him in this very fic.

30. Ask if he can pop a wheelie on his motorcycle.

31. Tell him Matt's straight.

32. "Hey, think of it this way- first is worst, second is best, right?"

33. Remind him to wear his helmet on the motorcycle, because he's already blonde so it's not like he can afford to lose brain cells.

34. Tell him that he's in a coma and this is all a dream.

35. Ask if he got a motorcycle just so it would feel like people were hugging him when he gave them rides.

36. Write an essay on how Death Note is prejudiced and stereotypical, because there are only two major characters that are blonde, both of whom are dumb sluts.

37. Find out just how many people he had to sleep with to get his position in the Mafia. Pass this information on to Matt.

38. Email him every article and statistic you can find about how bad chocolate is for his health.

39. Start a rumor that he's intersexual, hence his feminine appearance.

40. Figure out a way to put Hershey's out of business.

41. Braid his hair in his sleep, preferably right before he has some sort of meeting with his Mafia thugs.

42. Every time he goes out, roll your eyes and say, "Fine. But if anything happens, remember _stop, drop, and roll _this time, okay?"

43. Crash his motorcycle.

44. Tell him that he doesn't have to worry about dying, because Sidoh's fallen in love with him.

45. Ask him to star in your Mafia movie.

46. Ask him to star in porn.

47. Tie him up and lock him in a room with Near.

48. Hack into Matt's email account and send him fake Dear John letters.

49. Hum "Barbie Girl" whenever he walks by you.

And…

50. Kill Matt.

* * *

**Flutter: Mello, look what I just finished!**

**Mello: Oh great… Why would you publish this? You already do all this to me…**

**Flutter: Not **_**all. **_**I'd never kill Matt!**

**Mello: Whatever.**

**Flutter: Wouldn't turn you into the police either. They'd take you away from me D:**

**Mello: And that would be just **_**terrible…**_

**Flutter: Sarcasm not appreciated. Review! **


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